Now this isn’t entirely meant to be used as a way to vent my relationship frustrations, but if it comes across that way please bare with me!
At the start of my relationship with my partner, it was obvious we were very different, but I liked to think of it as opposites attract, or as some would say, Ying and Yang. Overall I feel like this is probably still the case, but its taken a lot of fall outs and make up ‘discussions’ to try and figure out a way around our differences. For anyone in the same situation (basically for any women feeling stuck on Venus, and for any man feeling stuck on Mars) read on.
My partner is a very black and white logical individual, and I am what I would describe as colourful! I like talking, he does not. I like Art, he likes computer programming. I like to keep the house tidy, he doesn’t see the mess even if its causing him to jump over items in order to get to the kitchen! Trivial I know, but these little things add up. The main issues however are the differences we have towards work and family life, and putting effort into one another. I like to cuddle up together in an evening and spend quality time together as a family at the weekend. My partner on the other hand is not one for affection, deems the word ‘love’ as fluffy and unnecessary to say aloud, and would prefer spending most of the weekend ‘getting his Geek on’ (if he could get away with it!). Neither way is wrong of course, but the two opinions literally spell disaster!
Recently our differences landed us in relationship counselling, and I have to admit even this did not seem to allow us to find a solution! So what did we decide to do? Well, on the verge of breakup we came up with a plan to accommodate our differences. We both love one another, and we have a child together, so making our relationship work is important to both of us. When things are going well between us we have such a laugh together and enjoy one another’s company – so why on earth would we not be able to overcome our differences?!
On a Saturday afternoon we made a plan. It was structured and simple, outlining who would take responsibility for the childcare on certain days, and when we would fit family time as well as ‘me time’ in. At first I was unsure, but a week or so in I can see it definitely has its benefits. Between us we get to take it in turns to lay in, have time to ourselves (yes, I actually get to go for a run now, come home, and then have a bath!!), and have time together. The time together is less often, but of better quality. Due to my partner stating that he did not appreciate the dinners I made for him, or the laundry I washed for him, we also decided that I would no longer do this. Those that are on childcare duty must also leave the house in the same condition as they found it. And when on our own time we can choose to spend that time however we like for as long as we like (as long as it is within your dedicated time slot for ‘me time’).
It sounds simple doesn’t it, and it is, but I can assure you this has so far worked better then anything we have learnt in counselling. I feel that because it allows both of us to have breathing space, it means that we don’t feel suffocated by one another or family commitments. The children seem to prefer it too, as quite often they get more one to one time with either parent. So if you are feeling strained by your relationship and family commitments, give this idea a go. Sit down together and mutually agree a weekly rota that allows both of you to have time to yourself.